the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
