covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
