I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
