I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
