what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
