I'll bet she douches with gravy.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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