so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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