I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am one with the molecules
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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