he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
