please come you make the beer taste better
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
