there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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