Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
