we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
