And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
