i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
