if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
