so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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