her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
