my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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