I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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