I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i came on her dog
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
