A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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