you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
