I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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