I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
