My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
