if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
