I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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