please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
