TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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