Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
