I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
