Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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