I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
