Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
