so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
