I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
