I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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