he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
