the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
