Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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