So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
