This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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