We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
