so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
