Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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