he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i love accidental penises.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
