quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
