We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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