my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
