hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
