Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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