I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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