On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I didn't notice because vodka
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
