I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
