alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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