No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
