Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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